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Location: London, England, United Kingdom

Monday, October 03, 2005

We All Hate Chelski

Here's a great letter to

How To Beat Chelsea: Three Easy Steps

As Liverpool have failed twice in the space of five days, I thought they might need some help here, along with the other eighteen Premiership teams. So here it is...

1) Find a dodgy, nation-pillaging, shady sugar daddy. You'll need to choose someone at least as morally reprehensible as Mr Abramovich, and with as much plundered wealth. My advice would be to try Dick Cheney, Saddam Hussein or perhaps Bill Gates. As selection criteria, you should ask them how many people they've stolen off in their lives. If the answer's less than ten million, forget it.

2) Find an arrogant tosser to become your manager. Note: this manager should have been a really, really crap player, hence walking through later life with a massive chip on his shoulder. Furthermore he should organise his team to resemble Peter Reid's Sunderland, despite hundreds of millions spunked on players. And he should also shave only once a week.

3) Appoint an absolutely repulsive, obnoxious, and spawn-of-Satan chief executive. Give him free license to p**s all over fans across the country from a great height, slag off other clubs, slag off other countries' clubs, other countries' players, and basically act like a prat on behalf of your team.

Then, my son, victory is yours!

Tim Andrews, Brighton

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